


We Remain in the Aftermath Now

by Jumelles



Series: With Friends Like These [1]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Assassination, Assassination Attempt(s), Assassins & Hitmen, Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Dark Brotherhood Questline, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Guilt, One Shot, Role-Playing Game, Spoilers, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 02:10:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16484081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jumelles/pseuds/Jumelles
Summary: "I can’t imagine how a pissant like Motierre could’ve better served the empire. But I do know that I remain in the aftermath now - in an unsure future with, as far as any of us know, little power to stop the menace that flies over us all."Or:The Listener of the Dark Brotherhood isn't feeling as celebratory about the successful assassination of the Emperor. She worries about how the recent events could affect the fate of Tamriel in an unsure future.





	We Remain in the Aftermath Now

_I come face to face with the Emperor of Tamriel in his cabin aboard The Katariah. And yet the gentle motion of the ship swaying back and forth doesn’t even move me as I stand frozen. Very few people like me who come from nothing stand before a man this powerful and even fewer deliver the killing blow. But I’m sure there hasn’t been any assassin who come face to face with their target looking like they’ve been expecting them._

_“…But I wonder…would you suffer an old man a few more words before the deed is done?” the Emperor asks. My stance relaxes and I lower my daggers as I take in the peculiar situation before me._

_“I’m listening…” I say incredibly intrigued by what else this man is going to surprise me with._

_“I thank you for your courtesy. You will kill me, and I have accepted that fate. But regardless of your path through life, I sense in you a certain…ambition…”_

_My ambition has carried me to places and given me things that at one point I could’ve only ever dreamed of. But the gravity of what I’m about to do settles its full weight on my shoulders and I’m stunned as this man so easily accepts his fate._

_“…So, I ask of you a favor,” He continues._

_“An old man’s dying wish. While there are many who would see me dead, there is one who set the machine in motion.  This person, whomever he or she may be, must be punished for their treachery. Once you have been rewarded for my assassination, I want you to kill the very person who ordered it. Would you do me this kindness?”_

_What a webspinner this one was. But isn’t that what emperors do for a living? It was almost laughable how graciously he asked this request of me. But he wasn’t gracious enough to hide the amusement from his face as I struggled for an appropriate answer; mouth open yet nothing coming out._

_“I’ll…consider it,” I said sternly, trying to put the intimidating mask back on my face._

_“Thank you. Now, on to the business at hand I suppose, hmm?”_

_Resolute with head held high, he walked over to the window and turned his back to me. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. I had to respect the man, he wasn’t going down alone in this. He would not be the victim today. It makes it really hard to do this when they know what’s coming, they don’t fight you as hard to stay alive. At least in any other situation, once you put that fear in them, they’ll kill me, if I don’t kill them first. For the Emperor, he knew fear was useless at this point._

_Tightening my grip on my dagger, I stalked over, grabbed his shoulder and plunged…._

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The muscle and sinew snapped as I skin the stag I just shot down. Gods, I can’t wait to get home, cook this venison and just not have to worry about hiding a body for the next few days. I sling my bag of fresh venison across my back and make my way on the road towards home. On the days where I’m not carrying out devious plans in a dark secluded dungeon, I actually live in a modest home right outside of Whiterun. It’s right next to Honningbrew Meadery just over the bridge and all my neighbors are farmers right across the way.   Even though I made quite a bit of coin taking jobs, it’s always smarter in my line of work to live a little below your means. A wealthy woman with no family name or connections moving into a manor in the city brings attention. A friendly woman of modest means who lives in a small cottage outside of town, no one thinks twice about.

“How goes it, hunter?” the Whiterun guard greets me on the road and waves me over.

“Got a big one this time!” I say wiping the sweat from my brow. “He was a smart one too. I stalked him for what seemed like forever but I finally got the jump on him,” I laughed.   “Ah, some frost miriam for your wife by the way,” I hand him the bundle of fresh herbs that were tied to my waist.

“Why, thank you, I can finally go home without her nagging me about this. And here’s your trade from the old battle axe,” the guard says as he hands me a bag of dried elves ear.

“The next time the guards get Honningbrew samples, I won’t tell your wife you said that if you throw some my way,” I shout behind me as I walk towards my home.

“I’ll remind you bribing a guard is illegal!” he shouts back laughing. We give a final wave goodbye as I turn and walk up the stairs to my cottage. I turn to drop the bag on the stairs and drag it inside the house. Once I turn around I’m greeted by two people I didn’t expect to see here anytime soon….

“Hurrah! There she is!” Babette joyfully shouts, hands in the air.

“KINGSLAYER!” Nazir follows with just as much mirth pointing at me.

“Gods, you two scared me! What are you doing here!?”

“‘What are we doing her here!?’” Babette asks mockingly, hand on her chest as if I wounded her.

“We wanted to congratulate you on making history, but we can just take our expensive wine back,” Nazir dares with a quirk of his brow and waving that tell-tale teal bottle of argonian bloodwine.

“Well I never turn down a good drink. And you can help me cook this venison,” I say kicking the bag on the floor.

Nazir turns to grab the book that was laid upon the mantle and I see that it’s the autographed copy of _Uncommon Taste._

“Let’s see what all the fuss is about with this ‘potage...’”

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Everyone sits around the small table by the hearth. The Potage Le Magnifique is stewing in the cooking pot and fresh sweet rolls and apple dumplings lay warming on the baking tray next to the fire. The cottage was filled with the sounds of a crackling fire while spoons clinked against bowls and appreciative hums filled the small room.

“This is actually quite good. Venison was a nice touch too. The Gourmet really was the country’s greatest cook after all.” Nazir said impressed by his meal.

“It’s better than how I made it that’s for sure. I put a giant’s toe in the one that was supposed to be for the Emperor.” I said in reply.

Babette gasped into her hand, “You’re joking!”

“Nope. And that was the most disappointing thing about the whole decoy debacle! I’ll never get to actually say I fed the Emperor a giant’s toe!” Crossing my arms and slumping further down in my chair, I lament the biggest loss of my personal victories. Babette and Nazir laugh at my petulance.

“Well for what it’s worth, it smells divine. If I taste it, I’ll retch though. Shame….” Babette says as she toys with the silver goblet of warmed blood in her hands. 

“… And Nazir did so well with the instructions it seems like The Gourmet could make anyone a chef!” Babette raised her goblet in congratulations to said chef.

“That is the last time I’m cooking for you ungrateful bastards at the brotherhood!” Nazir replied indignantly.

As our laughter died down, I caught Babette looking at me with that predatory stare and smirking at me. I know that look, she’s about to start digging for information.

“So…tell us! How does it feel to assassinate the Emperor? What did you say when he asked for you to kill someone else? How surprised was Motierre’s face when you put a dagger in his throat? How would I have loved to be a fly on that wall!” Babette excitedly exclaimed. She cupped her hands underneath her chin like we were two girls gossiping in a tavern.

“Well….the whole thing wasn’t really as dramatic as you two were maybe hoping. I almost didn’t know what to say, so that pretty much threw being intimidating out the window.”

“I told you to always come to your clever and wise mentor if you ever need help with intimidation and… persuasion.” Nazir graciously offers me with that terribly saccharine tone of his.

“Not every person needs to hear a pun before they die. That’s just cruel.”

“Well I think it attributes to my success.”

“And I think you’re a monster.”

“My Gods! Motierre! Motierre!” Babette yells and slaps her hands on the table to get us back on track.

“I didn’t like Motierre from the start,” I say remembering my first impression of him in Volunruud. Arrogant that the Brotherhood would do whatever he would say because of his name and so damn prissy.

“When I took my blade out and he saw that look in my eyes, he looked so utterly shocked that for once in his life something wasn’t gonna go the way he wanted. That was probably the most gratifying part of this whole thing. I hate those silver spoon cunts.”

“And you didn’t say any final words to him? No clever turn of phrase?” Nazir said looking disappointed.

“DAMN YOUR PUNS!” We both shouted at Nazir.

“But really though, you didn’t even tell him that the man he wants dead asked for revenge too?” Babette asks eagerly.

“When I came to Motierre at the Bannered Mare and told him the deed was done, he said I served the empire and all of Tamriel in ways I couldn’t possibly imagine. I told him that we’ve damned this country. And that’s when I….” I make a slashing motion across my neck with my finger.

“Damned?” Nazir asks confused.

They both looked at me with twin concerned stares as I stood up, downed the rest of the wine in my goblet, and walked to the mantle with my back turned to the room. Focusing on the flames in front of me instead of looking at their faces, I realized that for the first time I felt ashamed around the only two people I could trust in this world. 

“Don’t tell me you feel….” Nazir starts.

“Guilty? Yes…. very much so,” I finished. That’s a hard one to admit. There’s no reason for guilt in the Brotherhood. We do as mother says to serve a higher purpose – to serve Sithis - and not involve ourselves in the pettiness of ordinary lives of ordinary people. We never stay behind for the aftermath of a kill. We return to the shadows and wait for the next child to pray to their mother.  The Brotherhood execute plans and people - that’s it. There’s no room for guilt in that equation. It’s weakness.

“My dear, why in the world would you feel that way? You’ve saved us all! We are one of the few chapters of the brotherhood that’s left in the empire. And the few that remain, sitting at this table, can still be a family. You’re our savior, not our ruin.” Babette says gently.

“I’ve left this country without a leader - without out anyone telling them how they can survive in a world where we’re not only tearing ourselves apart with this civil war, but we’re being besieged by dragons for Gods’

 sake! You, Nazir, the Brotherhood, and the whole damn empire may be burned to ash because of me!”

“Stop this,” Nazir says sternly, swiping a hand down his weary face. He gives me a hard look, “This was one man that died. We do this every day. We don’t involve ourselves in the lives of common people, especially once a job is done. The only thing you are responsible for is your duty to Sithis and yourself!”

“I was responsible for myself! I took responsibility for the Brotherhood and gave you all General Maro, Motierre, and the Emperor. But the Brotherhood aren’t the only people in the world,” I argue back to the stubborn Redguard, unshed tears well my eyes.  “We know better than anyone what truly awful people there are in the world, but there are decent ones who don’t deserve what’s coming!” I think of my farmer neighbors whose world is no bigger than the farms they tend to, ordinary people who are unfortunate casualties in overly complicated plans, and the boy who was brave enough to protect others who couldn’t protect themselves – the boy who also set me on this path.  

I never felt more frustrated, especially with the two in front of me. For once I’ve found somewhere I belong, people I belong with. But in this crucial moment when I need understanding most, they look at me as if I’m speaking a foreign language. One getting angrier at me the more I speak, the other wears a worried expression on her face as if trying to think of a way to stop the volley of acerbic words between me and Nazir before we say something we can’t take back.    

“No one here is questioning your loyalty, dear heart, but --” Babette says trying to placate me.

“Well I’m questioning both your loyalty and sanity!” Nazir angrily interrupts.

“Stop this!” Babette slams her on the table and vaults herself out of her seat. Her eyes glow that frightening amber with an anger that looks as if they can sear right through us.

“Sit. Down.” She growls at me.

I wipe the tears from my face, embarrassment burning my cheeks that I’ve gotten this upset in front of them. I drop down in my chair looking to Babette and finding anywhere else to look other than the fuming man next to me.

“Nazir is right,” Babette begins. I scoff and roll my eyes.  “No, listen,” she implores. “The Emperor _is_ just one man and with every one that dies another takes his place. Maybe it would’ve been Motierre, but since he’s gone too, it will be another. We have no idea how this person will lead the empire. Hell, we don’t even know if the emperor we had would’ve led the empire to victory or to its demise. But it’s pointless to worry about that because there are too many what-ifs for questions we don’t have answers for. None of this is on you. You didn’t bring the dragons here. And you can’t control what kind of person people turn out to be.”

“And you,” Babette turns her angry glare onto Nazir now. “She has done so much for us. She didn’t let the Brotherhood die out even after she was betrayed by her own sister. She even took a step back as listener and preferred for you to lead the Brotherhood, being honest about her own limitations and thinking of what would be best for everyone else. She has always shown that she puts the Brotherhood first. How could you even question that? Because of fear? Fear isn’t always weakness, Nazir. Fear tells you your limits, fear makes you smarter.”

“The trouble the world’s in is bigger than us now. Being burnt alive without any idea of how to fight back against something that powerful? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But now more than ever we need to stick together, not tear each other apart,” she tells us both.

“As a Breton girl, I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in a country that people think you have no right to be in. But as vampire, I have an idea. I have an idea of what it’s like when someone takes one look at you in a market or tavern and thinking they know everything about you just based on what little they know of Redguards, vampires, Dunmer, or whatever someone may be. They even go so far as to refuse you service. Then with all your might, you try to stop your anger from consuming you and take solace in the little good in the world that makes the day easier because gods forbid you live a life of hate just like those ignorant mongrels. Oh, yes, I have an idea of that.” Babette says with a faraway look in her eyes.

Nazir and I give each other a look and I can guess that we’re thinking the same thing. It’s almost too hard to hear out loud what Nazir and I go through each day. Especially from the mouth of a Breton girl who wouldn’t experience such prejudice at all if people were non the wiser about her vampirism. I admit I’m a little shocked at Babette’s audacity.

“But your listener is right too, Nazir,” Babette continues. “There are people out there who don’t deserve such a gruesome end. But because of what we do, we can’t save everyone. Or anyone really….” She gives me a pointed look to remind me of this.

“…. So instead we take care of each other. That’s why we cannot be divided right now. But I’ll tell you what I’ve learned of the world in my 300 years. Tamriel has been through everything you could think of. Red Mountain nearly destroying all of Morrowind, Daedric Princes transcending oblivion and trying to walk upon Nirn. If the people in this country can’t take their heads out of their asses long enough to see there may not be a country to argue about if things keep going this way, then this world deserves to burn. Dragons won’t destroy this world, the cruelty of people will.”

With that Babette drained the rest of the blood in her goblet and set it down sharply.

“I’m going to bed,” she says as she stomps out of the room towards the bedroom.

Nazir and I are left alone at the table, but neither of us are ready to speak to one another yet. I thought Babette telling us off would clear the air, but I can still feel the tension between Nazir and I. I let out a shaky sigh and dig the heels of my hands into my eyes. This was not how I expected this night to go at all. I hear Nazir’s chair scrape against the floor and look up to see him grab his red cape as he walks out the door. In a room that was once filled with warm laughter, I’m now left alone in a room colder than it should be with only the crackling sounds of a dying fire.

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Sitting on my bed I plait my tightly coiled hair into two flat braids against either side of my head as I get ready for bed. I look over across from me in one of the child beds that came with my little homestead and see Babette sleeping. Even in sleep she still looks a little angry. It’s been a couple of hours since I’ve cleaned what remained of our supper and Nazir still hasn’t come back from wherever he went off to. Babette has said her peace tonight, but it doesn’t feel right to go to bed still angry and with nothing really resolved between me and Nazir. I grab my silk robe from the wardrobe and go out to find him.

As I step out the door, I see he isn’t on the main road, nowhere near the bridge, and not in either the horse stable or the blacksmith stable. I walk around back to my garden to find him smoking a pipe and fingering one of my nightshade plants.

“Your gardening’s getting better. These look better than the ones you used to grow in the old sanctuary,” Nazir says to me from over his shoulder.

“I had a good teacher. And I actually listen to her from time to time too,” I say as I stop to stand in front of him.

He stands up and turns to look at me, blowing out the fragrant tobacco smoke. Neither of us saying anything but he looks at me the same way I’m looking at him now – trying to think of something to say. His eyes pick up on the robe I’m wearing and he reaches out to touch the fine silk brocade.

“How can a simple village girl afford such finery like this?” he says as he smooths the thick silk between his fingers. I chuckle at the light teasing, glad we can be a little easier around each other.

“Oh, I can’t. Merchants are the biggest thieves of them all. So, I usually just steal all my fine clothes off the husks of corpses.”

The morbid joke gets a chuckle out of him and I laugh along, proud of myself for getting him to laugh at one of my jokes. Our laughter dies down and our smiles slowly fall from our faces as we realize there are no more jokes to hide behind and we have to face the “mammoth in the room” so to speak.

“I –” both Nazir and I try to begin. I give him a beckoning hand and insist that he goes first.

“I’m sorry for what I said in there.”

I can’t help that my eyebrows nearly meet my hairline at that admission. Nazir usually makes sure he’s not the one to make mistakes and definitely makes sure he never has to explain himself or apologize for anything.

 “Don’t look so surprised. It’s the first and last apology you’ll be hearing from me.” I roll my eyes at that but stay quiet, letting him continue.

 “I don’t think you’re crazy. I actually think you’re one of the strongest of us all, especially to not treat Astrid the way she treated you. I have a great deal of respect for you because of how you’ve proved yourself.  Guilt….is a tricky thing with us. It’s needless because our opinions of people don’t matter. The who, what, when, where, or why of a contract is none of our concern. Our only concern is how we can serve Sithis. But even I know that guilt is….natural,” he admits begrudgingly.

“It’s natural to wonder why this seemingly decent person would have a hit put on them. But we never really know people as well as we think we do. Even the most predictable person can still surprise you.” Nazir’s brow creases as he looks out towards the expanse of the tundra. Whatever he’s thinking looks as if it’s something painful to remember.

“What…?” I start to question if he’s alright.

“Everything you were saying in there about feeling guilty for the assassination and feeling responsible for the fate of the country, I’ve heard talk like that before. In the past, other members of the Brotherhood feeling guilty for what they’ve done, start to get a self-righteous attitude and take it upon themselves to either try to turn the chapter over to the Imperials or wipe it out completely. Hearing you speak like that in there….”

Nazir turns to look at me head on now. Even though I haven’t known him for long, I know enough about him to understand that more than apologizing he would never admit to fear. I now know why he had gotten so incensed during dinner. He was afraid I would do the same thing the others did.

“I can’t go through another cleansing. Not again. Death is inevitable in our profession, but all the loss…let’s just say it takes its toll.”

“I lost them too, Nazir. I would never do that. You and Babette….” I say looking away from him for a moment, unsure of how or even if I should put what I’m thinking into words.

“I know.” Nazir says with understanding.

None of us were ever ones for expressing our more affectionate feelings out loud. We usually rely on gestures. Gift giving here and there, treating the other to drinks, or throwing an interesting contract our way. I’m still getting to know the new recruits at the brotherhood, but for the two who’ve been through hell and back with me, I hold them closer to my heart. After a night of harsh words, I’m relieved that Nazir already knows what I’m reluctant to say out loud. I only hope they feel the same for me too.

“You should get some rest,” Nazir suggests with a nod of his head towards the cottage. “You definitely deserve a break after the last few weeks you’ve had.”

“What about you? Are you staying the night or heading out?”

“Staying the night. As for rest, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I’m head of the family now.”

“You’ll do well. Besides, it won’t be too hard to do better than the last one we had.”

With that, I leave him laughing softly to himself as he continues to gaze at the mountains beyond my garden, still finishing off the last of the tobacco in his pipe.

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The Dark Brotherhood are masters of deception. We are story weavers. We’re your new neighbor, your cooks and maids. We’re the blushing bride with the enticing promise of a maidenhood unclaimed and a conveniently high dowry. And when the veil is lifted, the void stares back at you. We never stay long enough to see what happens after Sithis has claimed another. I don’t know what Motierre meant by saying ‘I served Tamriel in ways I couldn’t possibly imagine.’ I can’t imagine how a pissant like Motierre could’ve better served the empire. But I do know that I remain in the aftermath now - in an unsure future with, as far as any of us know, little power to stop the menace that flies over us all.

We’ve all retired to my bedroom, with the only light, a faint amber glow coming from the fire in the common room to keep the cottage warm.  Babette is eerily still and silent in sleep, but next to me I listen to the soft snores of Nazir and the chirps of night hoppers outside the cottage. I lie awake, staring at the ceiling and unable to sleep. I try not to fidget much, except for my thumb running back and forth over my hand that’s tightly clenched to the other atop the blankets. In a sudden moment, the night hoppers go silent and I hear the distant screech of a dragon.

I suppose I’ll sleep when I’m dead too.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you really enjoyed it! If you're feeling a little shy, a tip of the hat in form of a kudos is really appreciated too! Thanks again!


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